recommendation

of a book for the Self.

Anthony Storr
Solitude:The Return to the Self.

i found the recommendation of this book in today's Straits Times and thought it might be worth a read.

some words from the column "Young and desperately in need of some 'alone' time"

"all human beings face two opposing drives in life, the 'drive for companionship and love' and 'towards being independent, seperate and autonomous".

"constant need for companionship can be unhealthy"

"peak experiences-profound moments of love, happiness or rapture when a person feels more whole, alive, self-sufficient and yet part of the world-depend on being free of other people, neurotic involvements, needy relationships, obligations and hangovers."

"only by being alone, can we become our real and authentic selves, because we are not consumed with 'we' and ignore our own growth."

you can agree or disagree with his ideals.
but i believe, SELF is the part that is most often neglected.

For people who are over-reliant on interpersonal relationships to find their sense of Self, its time to sit back and reflect and to really seek for Self, what can be done to make own Self more worthy.

i am learning too.

In Love with ..

Victoria Secrets.. i am in love with body lotions and scrubs too
having gotten a BODYSHOP Plum set from dear's mum and Origin's Scrub from his sis and also gotten myself Crabtree Rosewater Hand therapy for my very dry hands.
dont ask me why my hands are so flaky.. i have no idea too.. tsk tsk

some sets i am eyeing for nezt year..
cannot let my hands age before me .. like-wise for my face :P






today packed my room and threw out 2 big red plastic bags of stuff -_-"
and cleared my bags compartment and my artncraft compartment.

Review part 2

i need to

-curb my jealousy
-curb my sensitivity
-curb my mood swings
-curb my procrastination
-curb my sarcasm
-curb my inactivity
-curb my spending (again)

i wish to believe again.
i am not blaming u nor anyone.
circumstances have changed, situations have changed. ppl ?
i am not sure
maybe i shouldnt impose my thinking and ideals on u
but i cant help it.
i'll try to control.
your set of morals and ideals and expectations are all different from mine.
i hope we can reach an equilibrium.

your friend is getting too close for MY comfort.
regardless day, time and whom u are with
i am telling u
not imposing on you.
i cant help it to feel the way i do.
u cant stop it either.
i am not angry
i am just puzzled.
i am curious
i will respect your friend and your decisions
i will be open-minded about it
i will accept your friend
i will accept whatever u do between yourselves
but i have a limit to things that can be done. and i will abide by it myself.
if not what's the difference between your friend and me?
we will reach a consensus
u give me my personal space?
i think u are the one who is craving for it.
space .. of course i have.
i am open to u too.
personal space is not equal to close communication.

************

life is full of choices, its how u choose it
life is about life itself, u dont treasure your own, how u treasure others?
life is about learning from mistakes, re-evaluating and moving on.
life is about standing up again from failures and proving yourself again.
life is about self-reliant, u gain your own worth you gain your confidence

i am still learning.

New Year Review part 1

with time on my hands.. decided to do a review of the past year..
what had been done and to be done and could be done and should be done

recap from LAST YR

Monday, January 01, 2007
A Time for reflection

LAST yr had been a bittersweet yr for me ...
i know i get emotional very easily but LAST yr i realised the extent my emotions can wary
BUT anyway
some stuff worthy of mention

-met new friends,interestin ones.. capable of intelligent conversations hahahah
taught me alot, showed me alot ( i did not make more friends but became closer to ppl around me.)

-became more independent without him..over reliance aint a good thing
( this year's a testing year for us with both of us having our own set of friends and having to divide "US" time into alot of other sectors, to put it bluntly, i'm forced to learn, but its better for the long run, i never had to share my guy in such manner, not even with all your other friends.. i know the extend of my jealously,skeptism, negativity and also paranoid, i am not goin all out to make u "friendless" i just want you to be truthful, i thought its always good to know one another, at least have a peace of mind then we can still go about having our own cliche..but some things cannot be shared some experience cannot be replicated like 2 person movie date which i feel is a very intimate experience, i hope u understand, i dont want to seem like i am fighting for your attention with another person, i believe everyone will need time and space for friends, its a matter of what u do and how u do it )

-struggled for trust( now its the other way round, i trust u, i am just skeptical of the environment, temptations abound, willpower weakens unconsciously, now its testing of MY willpower and my degree of trust in u)

-first trip to US alone .. its an experience worth to remember except for the "ever-friendly" customs (first family trip to KL in like 10+ yrs? )

-became closer to my dears.. wasnt as anticipating when i was in poly realised i had missed out on quite alot.. and now i shall keep myself updated ( i realised i am not alone when i always seem alone, be quiet, be still )

-became more aware of dressin? lol due to some encouragements or suggestions made
( i think i became better at it )

-realised i am too righteous for my own good hahahah as leo puts it being too much of a "bigot" ( still trying not to voice all my comments lest i come across as arrogant )

*********************
aspirations and resolutions for the new yr
-i still cannot make up my mind whether i want to take up business or sciences or management or go into teachin
can someone shake me awake?
( am saving up for a business deg, though dear dont want me to suffer, its short term suffering for a cert that has longterm achievement, dear is going studying i shant lose! and i will prove myself )

-lose more weight and tone myself up, my fitness had been long forsaken ever since i left JC hahahah i know how it felt to be fat to be labelled with all the mean names
( i am on target 50 kg LOL maybe toning instead?)

-save more money
i think i had been indulging in alot of fine dining this yr and online retail therapy .. thanks to HIM and some close friends of mine
not that i am regretting.. but now need to restrain abit if now my account aint gonna get fat..
less shoppin online? i think i bought more clothes online than from shops here hahaha i just dun like the idea of wearin like everybody else
( i think i shopped less than last year :) )

-be less arrogant
sometimes i think i sound arrogant to ppl who are clueless
sorry for that, its me being over enthusiastic to tell u abt the things i know or things u have been missing out on ..

-to learn financial planning hahahah
i do not aspire to be a housewife
i aspire to have my own cash and spend it
( i got myself insurance, financial planner for cpf investment and also prepared short term savings plan )

still reviewing.. still thinking.. shall blog about it soon..
and to end it off.. our new year's eve celebrations for the past 2 years.

this year we will celebrate together with all our wishes

At Jack's Place 2005

At Honjin 2006

christmas review!!

Last fri was mahjong plus 4am breakfast hahahah
Sat was spent sleeping in.
Sun was night's out with the gals to DEMPSEY! we went Margarita and PS cafe..
damn. the place is so nice ... but its not healthy on my wallet ><
LOL its good to experience!
Mon was back to work then met mum to do some last min shoppin heh got her her belated birthday watch.. then met dad for dinner at a hongkong cafe
Today was spent with dear and he prepared christmas grill hahahha

Dempsey Hill



Bugis




Christmas dinner!

mahjong!

friends came over for a mini mahjong session at my place last night lol but did not expect that they brought pressies too! so kind of them.
we are all newbies so took quite some time to warm up and when we realised it was only at "west" wind and 2am already LOL then we talked and talked till its 4am and we all hopped onto my friend's car for breakfast :P
and now i am awake after 4 hrs of sleep .. cant sleep late ah ..

ooh and we had christmas lunch at JP CRYSTAL JADE for the colleagues and we did a gift exchange too and i got a necklace!
hahaha i love accessories.

and i love my friends.




maybe i should go back and sleep.. the coffee aint workin.. >.<

Be merry!

the gals were great!
again please?

second part!

hopeful?

Cosmic Boosts

This week you discover that a situation that's causing you some agitation isn't as bad as it seems, GERALDINE. And yes, there is a way out of your dilemma. You may have a tendency to look at the dark side because of your deep and intense Scorpio nature, and you can always use a little cheering up. On Tuesday you receive a cosmic boost as Jupiter, the planet of good fortune and optimism, enters Capricorn and your sector of the mind and imagination. Now you'll be able to look on the bright side a bit more and see the silver lining in every cloud. Of course, your shrewd Scorpio self will still see the cloud! However, get ready for a one-year reprieve from gloomy thoughts and pessimistic thinking. On Saturday the Sun enters Capricorn and your communication zone and you may decide to celebrate the start of the Solstice by writing down your thoughts and feelings and perhaps starting a blog. You're very creative, thanks to your sensitive and watery Sun Sign, and you're capable of great artistic endeavors. Now might be a good time to get started.

***********

on another note..feeling festive~! CHRISMASY!
i realised i love SHOPPING hahahahah
wasnt so much into it but now with more kakis i feel so much enthu lol
i love giving pressies.. i just dont like to think what to get though

for the bf's present he said he wants to shop with me instead -_-" hmm not very much of a "surprise", at least i know he will get what he likes hahaha
and i've told him what i wanted .. heh
i've gotten his family pressies too as they have always looked after me, hmm my two little sis still pending but mum's settled.

and will be sourcing more for the numerous people who made me feel life is good ^^

i always believe
"you get how much you give"

i wonder if he realises that he means alot that is why these few weeks had been tense.
its the efforts and commitement that i seek.

and another matter that has been taking up alot of my "brain storage space", with further encouragement of a friend.
i WILL/Must go study.

pics!

poster in front of the restaurant.

first half of the dinner. short cocktail dress.
did not manage to take picture of her second evening dress.. its a white cheongsam with lots of beadin and even feathers!
gorgeous!


church wedding..
for that fairytale feel when walkin down the aisle.. note the long embroidered train.


me.. wearing a black tube dress with beaded necklace. attempted the smoky eye too LOL cant really see from the pic
i did my nails with black and white lace flowers.


**************
on another note.. i sincerely thank the girls for accompanyin me though i wasnt in the best of moods..

first half !

went to attend the first half of a friend's wedding~
shall reveal her when the day is over hee
for now.. those who attended the morning session~

Insecure, anyone feels this way too? insecurity issues

http://www.flowerpod.com.sg/forums/index.php?showtopic=50350

i am trying very hard not to make my mood swings even worse.

and i can VERY MUCH FEEL FOR HER.
I hope its just a phase.
and not to make myself worry so much for the slightest things.. i am trying.

************

we will overcome it.
on OUR sides.

sweaters for cold weather?

thinking of getting this.. its brr... freezin cold nowadays..

the end yr bonus is so miserable... sobs sobs.. .. maybe just getting a bigger memory stick for my new phone.. sigh

sunday events

We waited for the small one to wake up before going over to grandpa's place which she did around 12pm.
We went FarEast after that cause the small one wanted to get skinnies and she did, grey and yelllow skinnies LOL

I got myself a skirt,9inches, record ever with the encouragement of mum.
Dear came shopping with us too.

Dinner was at SOUP SPOON as mum hadnt try before and she likes it heh.
i brought dear to SOUP SPoon before and he gave the thumbs up.



looking forward to dressing up this sat LOL

now.. where is my pair of glitter heels plus blings and that LBD..

a new year is coming.. time for reflections.. time for reconsideration, time for reanalysis..
time to draw out a NEW YEAR's resolutions list...

and time to love myself more.

i did. and the first thing i did was to pamper myself with a new hairdo for the new year.

confidence stems from various sources.. and physical appearance is the first and easiest source to start with.

random stuff

after sleeping less than 5 hrs.. after night's out with the poly class..
after.. 2 bottles of vodka, 2 shots, few neats.. and endless photo taking with 2+1 gals + 4 guys lol
i am still surviving well hahahhaha

ACID BAR IS ADDICTIVE.. anyway maybe my pizza helped in soakin the liquor
ooh btw i am on their tv woh >.<




and just for fun.

new toy~

today went to transfer ownership of hp from dad's name to my own and i finally gotten myself a new hp!
k810I!

although its not really the latest hp or at the forefront of the designing board.. at least it suits my criteria and my pocket :P

best of all..
it matches with dear heh

pensive mood

i think i just fallen into a sinkhole again..
i just cant pick myself up.
and i do not know why.

i can only help myself.

the future i want ... seems further from my grasp..

too reliant? maybe
who else can i rely on?

KL Trip!

I'm back with newly instilled appreciation for cultural events and items. Its been an eye opening trip not because of the shopping but the way of life over there.
Although it's just neighbouring country yet there's so much differences AND similarities... ironic.
We moved around by their railway system which was, in my opinion, quite a mess and SLOW.. maybe its the land size.
As we are staying in the main shopping area, its near to transportation and we moved about with LRT and their railway.
On the first time, we managed to unpack and start the sightseeing around 4PM.
In the end, we managed to go Midvalley, The gardens.
Second day, we started early and went exploring KLCC, Chinatown, Central Market and our own hotel, Berjaya Times.
Third day was spent wrapping up the shopping and waited for the bus at 230pm.
Not enough time to cover more places i would say.
I do not mind giving KL another shot. :)

Here are some shots i took along the way.

view from my room, the petronas twin tower

breakfast spread in the hotel

KL railway system


KLCC


DOnuts! :P


ChinaTown, lots of counterfeit, for the brand conscious groupie

Central Market

the arts and cultural place, i loved the artworks there.

steamboat dinner in a hongkong restaurant on the second night


built in Theme park in the hotel


my loots.. not alot compared to the others LOL
my main pride is the red Carlo Rino bag~
3D christmas cards for colleagues, some cultural sovernirs and a book.